I’m thinking today of all the times I get upset with someone for upsetting me. For the times they didn’t say or do something the way I would have done it. For feeling left out of a situation when I would have made sure they were a part of it. For being upset for all the ways people are not like me and not do the things the way I think are best. It isn’t a conceded thing as it is more of a tunnel vision and lack of acceptance. For the most part I know better. No one else in the world has my exact thoughts and feelings, so how can I expect anyone to think and feel the way I do? We joke about wanting our men to read our minds and do what we are thinking they should do or say… LOL we all know how far that goes. Do we really let ourselves get upset by these irrational thoughts? I mean DUH!
I have been so calm and peaceful the last several months. Nothing really got a rise out of me. The same people who used to drive me nuts… not so much anymore. But yesterday… ugh right back into my old thinking patterns. I almost wanted to choke one of my employees for her eye rolling and bad attitude. (breathe and walk away – why am I letting her get to me?) My new boss (for only 2 weeks now) either assumes I know how to do something or doesn’t communicate with me at all. I mean come on… I have been trying to get fully trained for over a year now and I am his assistant. If your boss hired someone new on the spot and is getting paperwork together for him, and you walk up to them, don’t you think he would introduce me as I now have a new employee to train as well????? NOOOOOOO…. *sigh* (breathe and walk away – after I introduce myself of course) I found myself rolling these feelings and resentment over and over again in my mind thinking WTF… I am his assistant. Shouldn’t I be a part of this process. Am I just a glorified cashier? We are a training store and I can’t even get trained!!! And then I realized I had hit “F**k it mode”.
For me when I am upset about something I know it is not best to speak right at that moment. I know I will say things out of anger or spite that I really don’t mean, so I wait until I am calm and rational to discuss what upset me. But first things first, I needed to change my attitude! I don’t often feel the need to use some of my newly acquired tools (from LifeStream) to handle myself in a situation. I have actually found I am naturally already there most of the time… but yesterday was not one of those times. I had to use these tools over and over again for a few minutes and then I was there… peaceful and over myself. (you’ll have to experience one of these classes yourself to understand that process – that secret I won’t give away) The truth is he probably has a lot on his mind. He has his own way of training and managing. He communicates completely differently than me. He has a different sense of humor. And it is my job to find a way to communicate best with him. He has a different drummer… or maybe I am the one with a different drummer. It doesn’t matter really, I just have to accept the fact that we are different.
So, I didn’t go right up to my boss and tell him I was pissed at how he was handling certain situations with me, but I did find a way to engage him in conversation about my training: especially with our employee that is driving me nuts! I stayed late to help him out for a couple more hours and I saw the gratitude in his eyes. I know he doesn’t dislike me, he just doesn’t know me yet… He isn’t used to my kids of personality (LOL not many are) and I am sure we will find a comfortable way to communicate better very soon.
Today was more of a journal instead of my insights. Yesterday felt like a setback for me. I struggled for a bit. Even with my “new tools” I will have these moments and days where I don’t feel I am leading my life the way I really want to. And then I step back and look at my choices…
Whose drummer are you stepping to?